[for teresa] your heart drifted off; like the land split by sea

[diogelu]

It's not that he remembers being Eric Gaines. He doesn't.

Cadogan Thomas has lived his entirely own life, after all. He's struggled his way valiantly into exactly the person he is today. He's pulled every fiber of his being through to the life he's settling into now; into liking himself well enough to feel he deserves the stability and contentment.

That doesn't mean he isn't living with another man's face.

It isn't a change he notices. It isn't abrupt or violent, after all. His own mother barely notices the difference when she kisses his cheeks in the morning. The fact is, all the same, that a piece of the man who had been Eric Gaines gets stuck in him, stubbornly refusing to leave the world after finding the last flicker of Cassie in a woman who had actually understood how to care. How to love.

So after Eric Gaines' body fails him completely following a sharp rain of lead (why had he thought he could get away? why had he fucking tried to promise Teresa a good, 'clean' life when he knew he'd always get drawn straight back in to the world he came from?), Cadogan Thomas wakes up with his nose a little narrower and his cheeks a littler ruddier and his shoulders a little broader and a clinging piece of a soul that isn't yet wholly his stuck deep into the folds of his own.

It's more than a month later--more than a month getting used to the little changes he can barely see in himself--that he walks into a coffee shop, fingers already tapping in an agile flurry over the keys of his phone for a simple order of tea.

Comments

[diogelu]

It feels important. Maybe it's just that it seems to feel important to her. It's certainly enough to have him lingering against the counter.

It's nice to meet you.

It's definitely a meeting. Right?

[hey_sexy_latte]

"...You, too."

Because this is definitely a first meeting. It's definitely not a reunion.

At least, that's what she's telling herself.

[diogelu]

Maybe it's uncertainty more than sadness. Maybe it's just something lingering in her eyes, the way old souls often looked a little tired at the edges.

It's still got him lingering.

Sorry for startling you.

[hey_sexy_latte]

"It's not your fault," she repeats, "But-- thank you. For being sorry."

She hesitates for a moment in continuing to speak as she hands over his drink, but decides to go ahead with it.

"I hope you-- come by again."

[diogelu]

He'd been ready for one last smile and sneaking away. He'd been infinitely prepared to glance in before entering the shop so he won't startle her.

So it's got him hesitating with a brief blink of his eyes.

Yes?

[hey_sexy_latte]

"Yeah," she replies, struggling to find a reason that doesn't sound odd for the statement. Her smile is shaky, "We've got-- pretty good coffee, after all."

[diogelu]

His own twitch of lips isn't quite a smile, but certainly looks more like one than the nervous shiver on her face.

If you're sure.

His faltering isn't quite like Eric's had been. He understands kindness and consideration, after all. It still gets his shoulders twisting up in confusion.

I wouldn't want to be a bother.

[hey_sexy_latte]

"It'll be all right," she says, managing a more proper smile, "I think I can handle it."

[diogelu]

That eases his own, head bobbing in acceptance. His hand move in a sharp, precise motion with palm upward to his own gut by instinct before he remembers to actually use his phone. She's oddly easy to talk to, after all.

Thank you.

[hey_sexy_latte]

"You're welcome," she says, "Have a-- good day."

[diogelu]

There's a happy little wave for her in response. It's best, after all, to encourage the edge of a smile peeking through with her. A piece of him is completely sure it's a very important thing.

And that piece of him will have him back early again the next morning for his first cup of coffee.

[hey_sexy_latte]

It'll be nice to see him again. Seeing him enter the room will earn another smile.

"Hi. Tea again?"

[diogelu]

His hands move before his brain does, as often happens first thing in the morning. Unfortunately, the grinding fists that symbolize 'coffee' in ASL aren't necessarily instantly recognizable.

It takes half a second to remember himself. One hand moves to dig for his phone while the other starts to finger-spell. 'C' and 'O' are easily explicable, hopefully.

[hey_sexy_latte]

The letters are certainly more recognizable. It's easy enough to put two and two together.

"Coffee?" she asks, "What kind?"

[diogelu]

Relief is quick and obvious flashing across his face, but also quickly crushed by the fact he clearly hasn't ever considered coffee beyond the thought of 'warm and full of caffeine.'

Shrugs are universal, surely. But, just in case, his phone is finally out.

Hot?

[hey_sexy_latte]

She never thought she'd be able to laugh when encountering a face so much like her lost love. It startles her as it escapes her lips.

"Sure."

[diogelu]

It's a little surprising, given the hurt hanging around the edges of her smile the day before. It's still incredibly encouraging to hear the soft pleased sound.

What else is there?

[hey_sexy_latte]

"Oh, all sorts."

And she'll go off into rattling a couple of the options on the menu. She'll hesitate only a moment before adding at the very end the option most likely the way Eric used to drink it.

[diogelu]

The fact there's more than one option is clearly overwhelming. The fact she can rattle off quite a few has him blinking.

But there's certainly something about the last one that has him blinking with appreciation.

Americano sounds great.

[hey_sexy_latte]

It earns the faintest hint of a wince, but she tries to keep her expression bright regardless.

"Coming right up."

[diogelu]

It's largely the need to be keyed into facial features that has him stepping forward slightly in concern. It's just that it's possibly also a strange, sticky need in the back of his chest to be helpful to a woman he's met once and clearly makes sad.

Cheers. It's okay if I drink it here?

[hey_sexy_latte]

"That's fine."

Her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes, but she tries.

[diogelu]

Imperfect reaction at best.

Should I put on my glasses?

It changes the line of a face, after all.

[hey_sexy_latte]

She's clearly surprised, but the offer makes her smile.

"...Would you mind?"

[diogelu]

[so you can appreciate that it's 100% terribad nerdery i can't with his face]

It's not a perfect solution. They're reading glasses, after all, not something to spend hours looking through. Still, it's easy enough to dig them out of his pocket and pop them on with just the faintest bit of squinting as his eyes adjust.

Both hands lift hopefully. Better?